Evolution in a Hyundai Pony on a diet of weed and bottle rockets

I was stoned in my car (my only car, which lasted a month and a half) with my best friend a few years ago, and came up with my own theory of evolution:

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Ok so, back in the day, and when I say that I mean like billions of years ago, life was just little cells in a pool of water right? And they were all a-sexual, which means they grow and grow until they make up enough mass to divide into two complete life forms, and then they repeat.

So on one level this is a-sexual reproduction, but on another, it's inbreeding. Think about it, it's two complete life forms made from one kind of DNA right? That's exactly the same as nailing your sister.

Ok so eventually the cells found a way to fuck each other instead of being all gay and a-sexual, and over time they developed their own sexes. Like magic, don't argue, it's science magic. Big picture time, you've got all these cells that developed from the same original cell and now they're starting to fuck each other: actual inbreeding.

But somehow these cells turned into frogs and fish and bears and people. All from brother/sister/hermaphrodite cells getting it on. Hence, inbreeding must not always lead to complete retardation.

Think about how human intelligence is steadily rising? Could it be because we've become selective about our inbreeding and the inbred have become so diluted and varied that the original inbreeding just cancelled itself out?

Obviously the exact opposite could be argued. Look at the Bush family: Bush Sr. Is a reasonably intelligent man (for a republican born in Texas), but look at his offspring? Bush Jr can barely speak english, and his other son is named Jeb which is just fucking stupid. This argument is cancelled because obviously Sr Bush must have had an affair behind his wifes back with his own mother.

At some point I went on to compare inbreeding humans to the evolution of frogs. I don't exactly know how that works out, but there it is.

And that's evolution in my head while I'm stoned. Fuckin' eh.